Lousy Lessons...

My good friend came over to my house the other day and as always we had a splendid time talking about life, careers, and direction on where the Lord is taking us.  We sat outside on our back patio and sipped water from our cups discussing Life Lessons we had come to learn in the past year.  She asked me what are the two biggest things being a mom has taught me about myself.  To my surprise I could list four right off the bat.

Here is the list:

1.) I am extremely selfish.  Nothing like having a baby will nail this home.  Instead of being able to do what I want I now cannot.  And not just with time either.  I am down right consumed with my wants.  For instance Ell was getting fussy on the floor and instead of going over there to pick her up I let her wallow in her "Misery" for another 5-10minutes so I could finish season 2 of the Cosby show.  Really?  Really.  Here I am actively choosing the Huxtables over my own baby daughter.  Whats more important?  These months go by so fast why am I even fighting this fight?  I should be soaking it up, enjoying every moment, breathing her in and holding her close.
2.) I am lazy.  (To the point of not even elaborating on specific examples:)

3.) I want to control.  A five month old cannot be controlled.  This is hard for me.  I want to make her do what I want her to do.  I want her to sleep when I want to sleep, I want her to be content to play in her jumperoo while I read a book or take a bath.  I want her to be healthy, and safe.  All things I have no say in 
4.) I am competitive (which i knew that all along anyway)  I want my baby to be the best baby she can be.  I want her to excel at rolling over, I want her to excel at smiling at the drop of a hat, I want her to not be fussy but adorable at all times.  I do not want my daughter to have that pressure on her not now, not ever.

 In conclusion I am a sinful mom who needs God's grace everyday.

Sorry Ell in advance for all the times I will mess up.
XOXO